Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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