TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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