my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize