Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
