If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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