You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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