She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
