Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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