i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He did a backflip because drugs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
