my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
