you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
