Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
