Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
