She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
