If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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