Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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