Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
