I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
