I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
