can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
