my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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