i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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