last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
