I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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