turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i now understand why vodka
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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