if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
