I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
