i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
