Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
