True but thats because hes a fetus.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
