WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
