We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Barsexuality is the new black.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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