Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm going to jail i love you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
