So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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