i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
