Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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