He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
