ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
