I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
