I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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