Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
