i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
