i permit you to call me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
