Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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