why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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