Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
