Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Less talking, more tequila
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I didn't notice because vodka
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
