Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
