I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize