I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
