Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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