toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
