were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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