I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is Oprah even human
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
