Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
