he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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