just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
