Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
