Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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