They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
