it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
