Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
