also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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