genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the day after is always just damage control
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
