I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
