i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
