My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
