My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Everything about him screamed your future.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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