I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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