He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize