I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
