if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
