I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You're like the curious george of whores
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
