yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
