He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
