this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
