If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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