Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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