but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
