I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was CRYING into my vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
