she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
