So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
