I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
