"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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