Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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