I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
