I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
