i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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