How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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