I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Plan B is the new Plan A
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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