There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
