There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize