Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So many bounce houses so little time
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
